2026 Journal
[1/24/26] - to remember and to forget
it feels like winter break 2.0. my exams have been going substandardly, but it's the best i can do. i've been slacking off this semester to spend more time with my friends. it was fun in the short-term, but i don't know if it's been worth it. i could have had higher results if i had spent more time studying. but it's whatever. i already did my exams. the past is in the past, and all i can do is strive to become better in the future, and learn from my mistakes.
i keep having negative thoughts in my head and i'm trying to subsidize them, but they keep coming back. i know they're not true. i know they're just made out of insecurities and assumptions i built up in my head. but even then, sometimes they're too hard to ignore. i wish i could get rid of this feeling.
i feel like i've been forgetting things a lot recently. i can't remember what i did tomorrow, or the day before. i have some vague ideas. playing games with my friend at 3am, grinding to finish my quests, working on this website, which i re-programmed the layout of... i did do a lot of things, but it's hard for me to remember every single thing i did. i think that's why i started this blog, alongside the tens of other notebooks and journals i keep around my room. i'm so prone to forgetting things, but i want to remember and cherish every single moment i have. spending the majority of my time online doesn't really help with that, though. i guess i should stop spending hours and hours on my laptop everyday.
i want to document every single thing i do so it feels like there's meaning behind my memories and emotions. they have value to me. it makes me happy, knowing that i've lived through so many experiences with good people. i'm eternally thankful for every single person i've met. i just don't want to forget about anyone.
[1/23/26] - i think i need to add more gifs
i want to add more gifs to this site... one of my biggst inspirations for making this weblog was old 2000s sites and web design. i wanted to incorporate those elements as much as possible in this site, but it ends up looking kind of modern. it might be the desaturated colours. it might be the big margins after every div box. who knows. i wanted it to be my own unique style that you couldn't find anywhere else, but it does look a bit basic at times.
i tried to add gradients to the surface to make it look nicer, but it didn't work with neocities built-in editor for some reason. i had trouble with the scroll behaviour too. that's so weird! i want to make my site look better but half the elements i want to use don't even work for me.
[1/22/26] - insomnia
i can't sleep. i need to finish my assignment and i can't sleep. i had several weeks to finish it. so many chances to just finish the stupid thing and get on with it. but i didn't. because i'm stupid. i should have done it earlier. it's 5am and i still haven't even opened my half-completed document. i'm gonna go open it right now.
[1/20/26] - chilly
it was cold out today. yesterday i went to starbucks and i was going to buy my friends something with my giftcard, but there was no more money left so the cashier lady just cut us. i just got an egg sandwich for myself. i wanted to be the cool sugar daddy but no. i am too broke.
i walked outside with my hood off. and it was cold. so i put my hood back on. lol.
my friend was waiting for me by the side entrance of the school. i walked with him to the bus stop.
[1/19/26] - life v2. i think i should become better
it's already been a whole month since i've restarted my neocities. i've had a lot of fun working on the page, adding my own images, and writing all of the code to my personal tastes. i even made a post on reddit documenting my web design progress. it's been my post popular post on it so far. i had a lot more motivation and time to work on it during winter break, but now that school's started back up again, and exams around the season, it's been a bit more difficult to stay diligent.
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i don't want it to become a huge chore; i just want this to be like a comfort project, something i can come back to from time to time to work on if i have a new idea. this website is never going to be fully 'complete,' but i do have a lot more ideas for it, like reworking the media log properly so i can add reviews for each movie. i don't really like the flexbox-heavy style i've been using for this entire site. i've been visiting a lot of other peoples' neocities to get more ideas. i really like the old 2000s look of just having a colourful, dizzying background with some centered arial text and an anime gif. i might try out a similar layout for the v2 of sodahaunt web.
other then that though, i've been playing online games with my friends a lot and calling and texting them when i should be preparing for exams. a lot more important courses are next semester, but i still want to try my hardest and get the highest grade i can. i've honestly been slacking off since last year, and i've dedicated a lot more time to social media and personal projects than i'd like to admit. recieving a new phone recently hasn't helped either. my friend gave me his old iphone 8 and it honestly works amazing–he replaced the battery and everything. i've been scrolling and playing clash on it a lot lol. need to lock in for real though. maybe i should go do that right after finishing this post.
honestly i could ramble on forever. i love writing in this blog. it's super fun. i want to keep changing the layout but everytime i add a new div box something breaks and i don't want it to break. artwork in a museum should not be trampled with. if it's not broken, don't fix it.
[1/12/26] - future
i have a dream to create my own video game one day. or my own novel, webcomic, movie, whatever. i want to share my creations with the world and gather a community with the same likes and tastes as me. i want to work hard for something i truly want for myself and feel accomplished. but i guess that can be difficult. i just want to feel like all my hard work wasn't for nothing.
[1/6/26] - life
i've been talking to a bit more people since winter break ended. i still don't feel fully recovered yet, but i think my situation's improved by a lot. i feel like i judge people a bit too easily, whether they're new people i meet or old people i'm reconnecting with. i want to remind myself that i should always be considerate of other people first, as they could also be going through their own problems as well.
i don't want to say that i've become more mature, but i think my perceptions of certain ideas have changed. just because a friendship isn't deep doesn't mean the other person doesn't care about you. just because they act a certain way doesn't mean that they hate you. no two relationships are alike, so i should stop comparing my previous friendships to ones i have had in the past. every single person is different, with their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. it's highly unreasonable for me to expect someone to act a certain way if they have been taught otherwise their entire life. what matters most is that i treat people with kindness, and if they show kindness back in return, i should be grateful and treat them as such.
i know other people have said this a lot to me; whether from my friends and family, people online, or from presentations and events and whatever. but being told something and actually experiencing it is so much more different. i feel like i'm actually learning from each new encounter i face. things i used to brush off and avoid in the past are now becoming events and memories i take much more seriously.
im happy with myself. i'm proud of how much i've grown and changed throughout the years. i'm able to take control of my life and prioritize the things i truly want. i'll keep pushing forward!!!
[1/3/26] - new year old me
oh my god its already the new year. everyone rejoice. i lowkenuinely need to lock in for this year, because i procrastinated quite a bit last year and my academic output was not up to standard. WE all need to lock in and get that bread highkey. why does new years this year feel so normal? like no resolutions, no reflecting back on 2025, it's just like, straight into 2026 we go. i honestly don't mind that but i feel like it's losing its spark like every other holiday.
theres so many things i need to do, like work on my project, maintain my friendships, clean my room, prepare to leave winter break, try not to die, get my drivers license, apply for a job... i'm scared that i won't be able to keep up. i know i'm not alone and theres hundreds of other people all going through the exact same thing as me, but it's just really scary thinking about it. i hope i can push through and make this year actually meaningful by achieving more of my goals.
becoming a better person doesn't happen overnight, and it's not something you suddenly feel one day after waking out of bed. it's subtle, small changes from a multitude of events that help you grow as a person. it's the small realizations, the quiet moments and reflections that really help you shape you to become the person you want to be.
2025 Journal
[12/29/25] - jealous...
i came back from a cool ass winter trip with my friends and it was fire. we stayed at a cabin for a couple nights and i made so many memories and had a great time!!
however since coming back home i've been back on the neocities grind and i found out that... other peoples' sites look so cool?? like, how did they get it looking that good? it's kind of a mystery. i hate comparing myself to other people but i kind of found myself subconsciously doing it. i should focus on my own growth instead though, and work on developing my own style instead of trying to copy someone else's. and with that in mind, let's make some updates to my site using some new things i learned heheh
shounen jump magazine cover for inspiration
[12/24/25] - Guide to Saving Money
hey guys, welcome back to my YouTube channel. In today's video, I'm going to be showing you guys how to never pay for anything again and get all the music and shows you want for free. We all love saving money, right? We all don't wanna pay for stupid stuff from big corps, right? Well, my little son, read along to find out how. the whole guide is just 4 steps long.
- to download music, use Tidalsquid
- to stream shows, use Binge or Miruro
- to read comics, use Batcave
- for 100% discounted games on Steam, use this custom link i found on reddit
to be honest, i've come to really hate the normalization of corporations controlling and paywalling consumers' access to media. back in the day, when you paid for something, you owned it. you couldn't have it taken away from you because you stopped paying for a subscription. i just don't want to pay for tens of different streaming services all the time–not to mention the regional differences. like, why can i watch regular show and chainsaw man on netflix while i'm on vacation, but not in my home country? it doesn't make any sense.
there used to be a golden age on youtube where people uploaded entire seasons of cartoons for free, but they're hard to comeby nowadays. many of them are either in 144p or uploaded by some reaction channel. i gave up on trying to watch gravity falls on youtube years and years ago.
honestly, tons of people already do this. piracy websites aren't some revolutionary thing now, with anime becoming more mainstream. people don't want to pay for an entirely new streaming service just because their current one doesn't support one singular show they want to watch. and yet, streaming sites continue to get worse and rise in prices each year. i just wanted to have a little list where i can store all the sites i frequently use to reference back to. and maybe, if someone else stumbled upon this site, they can use them too.
reject consumerism. reject paying for things that you can get for free. sail the seas.
this aint my phone but this person has the same model that i have. long live the iphone 5. i've been downloading all my songs here recently and it's honestly really fun. it's lightweight, and i don't have to worry about ads. the closest i can get to an ipod tbh. i've been considering purchasing one, but they're super expensive online and it seems counter-productive to spend so much money for something i'm trying to spend LESS money on.
[12/23/25] - cereal
today i woke up and i ate a cold bowl of soggy cereal. i put some frozen nutella in it too.
[12/22/25] - i miss old sites
i found a cool website online that lets you view what websites used to look like 20 years ago. Click this link to see.
The apple store used to look so cool. modernization trends and bland layouts ruined it ngl. i want the old layouts from the 2000s back. they looked so nice and full of life in comparison.
[12/21/25] - music
its been a whole entire day. since i started this blog. heh. thank you to my one glorious dedicated reader for tuning in. i think their name is like, haunted something. lol. they might also be the creator of this website. idk tho.
today i was in my car parked in a parking lot waiting for someone to come back and i had some old CDs playing in the background. no phone, no iPod bought from eBay for 200% markup, no social media, nothing. just me and an old CD which only had like 2 songs but both of them were like 20 mins long. i felt truly at peace. this is what it must have been like in the 2000s when people took hour-long naps in their car. i felt free
i added some cool photos to the homepage and i dont even know what they are. some random animals i think
UPDATE - [12/20/25] but 2 hours later
i just realized that i do NOT want to become a NEET and spend my entire life on the internet. how am i going to make enough money to buy an apartment in an overpopulated city that way? how will my life become a trashy coming-of-life comic series like scott pilgrim if i dont have any cool friends. reading other people's stories on the internet lowk js made me lock in and realize this is not how i want to spend the rest of my years. i'm not swearing off the internet forever but i should balance out my time with other activities. yes. balancing is good.
[12/20/25] - wendy's
today i did something really embarassing.
i was trying to order food delivery to my house but i wrote the wrong address. my oblivious past self waited for half an hour, checking my phone, to see that the photo the delivery guy posted for the receipt was NOT MY HOUSE.
frantic, i take a walk around my entire neighbourhood trying to find the exact shade of the singular pixel of a doormat visible in the photo. luckily i found the house and the lady who had it was really nice but my food was cold and i had to re-heat it up before unpausing episode 6 of death note
this lowk isnt even the actual burger i ate but it looked really realistic when i searched it up on google
watching death note for the first time in the big 25
actual bum
i honestly wasn't even really hungry because i woke up late and had ate breakfast just an hour prior, but i was craving wendy's since yesterday... wendy's my pride and joy you are so much better than the other fast food chains out there
in all seriousness though, death note is actually really cool and i finalyl understand why it had so many 14 year olds following it like a cult back in the day. the story and animation still holds up in 2025. and i find that recently, modern anime is kinda boring?? like it's either the same shounen that has evil spirits and a dumbass teenage protagonist and his two friends generic emo rival and average anime girl #37 must fight the final boss or whatever.
or its a 12-episode romance anime which has a different premise than its predessors before it but somehow still manages to feel the same. (im talking about fragrant flower/komi/alya hides her feelings and even though i love those anime so much they legit follow the same tropes everytime) like even if they're in the same genre i wish they branched out a bit more with its storytelling and characters. same with isekai anime too but i dont watch them so i can't give a clear personal opinion
maybe i should just watch different genres more but either way my point still stands
man having a blog is so friggin goated i should do this more often
